JUST STOP IT – FaceBook Posts Edition

People updating their Facebook status with uninteresting and worthless posts that no one really cares about really irritates the hell out of me.  Here are some examples of what I mean:  “off to work” or “have to go pay bills” or “I can’t sleep” or “grocery shopping at (store name) with (name of person who may have been drugged and then forcefully hauled off to the grocery store).”  To the people who post these kinds updates, let me assure you of one thing – 99.999% of this world’s population does NOT care. 

There are hundreds of millions, if not billions, of people who go to work every day.  Those of you who feel the need to tell the Facebook world that you are off to work are not special.  Good for you for actually being employed, especially in today’s economy, but working is not new.  Being employed has been around since the beginning of humans.  We are all constantly employed in one way or another – growing a garden, cleaning house, raising children, walking your dog(s), maintaining your car’s operability or actually working a job that pays  – I think you get the point.  So I will reiterate: working is neither new nor only done by a few.

For those of you who feel the need to inform us you are paying bills, we get it.  It is a mundane task that regularly sucks the life out of you and most likely ruins your checking account.  But be happy you actually have services to pay for (like phone, power, water, cable etc) and shut the hell up.  Again, we do not care and you are not special.

Also, for the people who inform the FB world that you can’t sleep, telling us isn’t going to help your problem.  Put away the phone/ipad/laptop because they stimulate your brain, which in turn keeps you awake.  Want to go to sleep?  SHUT OFF THE ELECTRONICS!

And finally, there is no reason to bring us up to date about grocery shopping or other errands that you have to do continually to maintain yourself and household.  You are not the only person in this whole wide world who does these kinds of tasks.  Telling us you are going to/at the grocery store does not mean crap to us because 99.99% of us will not share any meals with you at your house anytime soon.  Keep it to yourself people.  Unless something bizarre, extraordinary, just plain wrong or unbelievable happens – examples: you ran into Hugh Jackman and attached his face with your tongue or you saw a 3yo child throwing back shots of bourbon - just keep it to yourself!

So to these people who think that we have to know every insignificant thing you are doing, get your heads out of your rears and know that we do not care about posts of the similar variety stated above.  But if you feel that you need to post something or otherwise your day is not complete, and you have knowingly done nothing interesting in your day, for hell’s sake make something up!  Say you fought hand-to-hand combat with a dragon after tracking it down on a unicorn or planted an empty m&ms bag hoping to grow your own giant m&m tree or swam the depths of the ocean and danced the salsa with an octopus. Or how about post no status - nothing at all.