Friday, November 8, 2013

Emotionally Drained

A portion of this summer and fall has been an emotionally draining time for me for several reasons.  My eyes have been opened and I have had some revelations that were shocking but necessary.  I thought by now I would be wiser in the ways of the world and people, and thankfully to some extent I am; but apparently in these weeks, I have agonizingly realized I have so much more to learn.    Especially how to navigate tricky relationships and the base nature of peoples’ feelings, flaws, and characteristics.  Also, I realized I need to learn that I need to better myself with regards to treating others.  I thought I was doing a pretty good job, but there is room for improvement. 
How are adulthood and relationships not more even-keel and more of a utopia?  Friends divide and conquer; marriages fail because some people are selfish and inconsiderate; various other general relationships collapse due to disputes and personality disagreements. 

Why don’t we say ‘I am sorry.  I know I have hurt you and acted out badly and made the wrong decisions.  I sincerely regret my negative comments and actions.  I really am sorry.’?  Why don’t we stop hurting each other and instead try our best to make people we care about happy?  I realize she is a fictional character, but Leslie Knope on the NBC show from Parks and Rec does pretty damn fine with this particular aspect in my opinion.

Why do we constantly let ourselves be disappointed by others short-comings, hypocrisies and lies?  Do we not want to accept the fact that some people just do not like us anymore?  I know I have a hard time accepting a person’s negative and hurtful view of me because I like being liked by others, especially when I like them in return.  And when you finally realize/accept the fact that someone thinks less of you, it is feels as if you have taken the blow of a hammer to the heart.  It really cuts deep.  And after wallowing in self-doubt and pity for some amount of time, you realize that you are going to be ok because that friend or significant other has a petty and sad life.  And these people, you are better off without them because you do not need the drama or mean-spiritedness they bring.  It is as if by causing such strife and hurt, they feel their self-worth and importance increasing in their small minds.

Other relationships (ex: those at work) can be just as volatile and when disputes really heat up and come to a head, it can feel like a volcano exploding.  Hurtful (but truthful) words spew like volcano ash and then rush down, cascading, like lava and things are altered; the scenery is different.  But when one bursts forth their long pent up frustration on those who caused such feelings of anger and disgust, the nature of the relationship(s) may only change temporarily.  Nothing gets truly fixed.  Nothing gets better – at least not permanently.  There is no real revolution or transformation.  Those who feel tremendous amounts of self-importance will return to their cycle of abuse, unearned authority and uncaring ways.

Why do some people change for the worse?  Why do the others seem to suffer the most at malevolent people’s arrogance, humiliating decisions, foolishness and lies?  When does karma ‘beat up’ those who caused such misery and heartache and pain?  I know it is wrong to wish ill on those who’ve harmed us, but we can’t help feeling just a little happy and smug when it does happen.  But those at the wrong end of meanness should find ways to make themselves soulfully happy in a healthy manner, learn to love themselves and remember that living a life one is proud of is a success and sweet revenge.

Ok, now that I have put my thoughts and feelings on paper, I feel much better and lighter.  Thanks for reading!

This posts pun courtesy of the interwebs ---
A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.

*P.S.  Per my husband, he is awesome!   ;-)